Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Believe it or not, this post is not about snow. Though I do love snow and will, one day, devote an entire post to it.

It's about lists, kind of, as a list is all I'm capable of producing today. I happen to love lists, though, so this kind of excites me. The thing I love most about lists is the possibility involved. Whether it's a small task or a life-long goal, there is something so energizing about it being out there, in front of me.



I must confess, though, that most of my life I made lists that didn't take flight beyond the lists themselves. My to-dos, my resolutions, even the way I saw myself or the things I saw myself doing never actually came to any sort of fruition. Looking back, I think it was because I didn't know how to take an active role in my life. I didn't know how to move beyond merely reacting to the things going on around me, responding to the things people said or did (or didn't say or didn't do). There was always such fear. Fear that if I actually wanted something, if I actually *went* for something and I couldn't have it or it didn't happen that I'd have to deal with it being my fault and not get to blame someone else. Everything just kind of *happened* to me and I always felt like a bit of a passenger.

And it's not like that all changed overnight and now I'm this super-woman-master-of-my-own-destiny or anything. That's not what I'm saying. Not at all. But things have changed, my perspective has shifted, and it's kind of glorious to be on this side of it. To make plans and keep them. To set goals and work toward them. To cross things off the list. To do the things I have always imagined myself doing, but never actually did before. More than anything, though, to be able to fail and not feel like a failure.



Number Three: POSSIBILITY. Lists. Being a do-er. Moving beyond fear of failing, fear of looking foolish, fear of saying or doing it wrong...moving toward freedom to actually do the things I want to do and be the things I want to be. And not in a self-help, I'm-okay-you're-okay, kind of way; in a tangible, wow-I-didn't-realize-I-had-been-holding-back-so-much (or, even, that so much was possible) way. Thanks, God.

This was/is my short list for 2009, by the way. Oddly enough, a lot of these things have already happened. It's kind of amazing. And when I say "kind of," I mean - extremely.

Running up Tumamoc (check)
Running up Sabino (check)
Climbing Pichaco Peak (check)
Camping in Sedona (check)
Camping on Mount Lemmon (hopefully this summer)
Completing a tri (July!!!)
Getting into really good shape (working on it)
Finding a church/churches (working on it)
Hiking more (working on it)
Saying yes/being available when needed (working on it)
Committing to a photo project (does this count?)
Never missing a chance to tell people how important they are to me (working on it)

p.s. still with the punctuation. wow.
p.p.s. when i started writing this, i truly intended it to simply be a list of some of my favorite things (hence the title). it didn't turn out to be that, obviously. perhaps next time?